Grateful

It’s been one of those days where things get a little overwhelming. There’s lots to tell you and I will, I promise, but all of my news is dwarfed by my all-encompassing feeling of thankfulness for my life as it is.

Two days ago, someone I don’t know posted to a listserv that I belong to.  She wrote:

You must think I am crazy to be doing this right now but I don’t know what to do with myself. We just got back from the hospital, as our beautiful son has passed away this morning. So I am trying to be busy and think about his memorial service. I am Catholic, my husband is not, we don’t mind a Catholic Church, but does anyone have any other suggestions? He liked to look out windows a lot, so maybe something with pretty morning light,
thank you for your ideas.

The little boy, Jasper, had congenital heart failure and apparently, a host of other related problems.  Mama wrote a bog that I discovered today that I had to stop reading because it ripped my heart out.

No matter how overwhelmed I may get, my sweet, perfect babies are here. Countless times in the past two days, I have stopped what I was doing just to hug them and stroke their hair.

If you pray, please include this family in your prayers. If you have children, go now and kiss them. If you have troubles or fears, keep them in perspective. The news of this tragedy humbles me. I want to tell you more eloquently all about it, but words fail me.  I promise to be back to being my self tomorrow, but this new thankfulness will remain.

This sorrow makes me question why God might have allowed this, which also makes me consider exactly what I conceive God to be.  I’ve already talked about how I’m pretty sure He’s not a middle-aged white guy with a gray beard and flowing white robes that disappear into the mist. No matter what He is or isn’t, why would He let this happen? (I’m also pretty sure that “He” isn’t the perfect pronoun for God.) There’s lots of stock answers to that question, most of which involve having faith in God knowing more that we mere mortals.  And I do have faith, but I still question why.

No answers here tonight.

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