Pride

First, I am on the clock.  I’ve committed to posting Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday, plus Food Waste Friday, and right now it’s 11:15 p.m.  Today we learned that blog posting needs to happen in the morning, lest I have to drag myself out of my warm bed and precious scarce sleep to post.

I got a wonderful, long email from my cousin Marisa (hi Missy).  Marisa writes rambly, intelligent emails that make me feel like we’re having tea together.  She says (writes?) that she is “unapologetically happy and proud” of what she does, as well she should be since she’s a SAHM to a little nugget, Max, adopted last year.  I’m temporarily a SAHM and Missy’s sentiment resonates with me.  Being a good mommy is the thing I’m proudest of.  It gives me joy and satisfaction in a way that being good at my money-making job never has but that pride also brings me guilt.

I feel guilty that I am enjoying choosing to not work right now, even though I work in a reasonably motherhood-friendly occupation.  I feel like I’m failing to blaze forward at “having it all” and therefore disappointing the spirit of feminism.  I’m wasting my education.  Worst of all, I just don’t care.  My guilt is tempered with gratitude that I get to do this. And the daily hilarity of the kidberts.

Humility is a central lesson of Christianity and general good breeding.  Yet we use it as a carrot to encourage children to achieve– “Mommy will be so proud if you use the potty!” (hasn’t happened yet.) “Mommy and Daddy are so proud that you slept in your own bed all night!” (happens all too rarely.)  We want kids to be proud of themselves and then later, expect them to not be proud.  Parenting rarely makes sense.  Proud adults are often seen as arrogant.  We only allow ourselves and others to be proud if that pride is accompanied by some humble gee-whizzing and abashed foot scuffling.

Let’s have a holiday, National It’s OK to be Proud Day.  It can be like Pride Day, including all the rainbow leis and pulsating techno music.  Emulate the little kid who has just mastered pedaling a tricycle.  If you are complimented, simply say, “Damn right, I’m good!”  Then eat a cookie to congratulate yourself.

On another note, January 21 I had the highest number of hits yet– 23!  My blog stats scale changed from increments of 1 to increments of 6.  Who’s lurking?  Comment and let me know.  I’m just curious.  Pass along a link to a friend who needs a dose of me in their day.  I’m also hoping that someday that number will seem pathetically small.  You know, when I get my lucrative book deal. . .and yes, that would make me proud.

BTW, the posted email address on my contact page, AFTHOTW at gmail dot com is experiencing technical difficulties that I have not yet unraveled.  If you want to contact me, leave a comment.

Coming in under the wire at 11:50.

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Comments

  • Kristin  On January 22, 2010 at 4:10 pm

    It is I, Kristin Gilchrist-Wax, lurking behind your posts! I am thoroughly enjoying your blog, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. I will comment more often, because after I read this post I can only imagine that you must feel you are blowing in the wind.

    I love the idea of “It’s OK to be Proud Day”. Have a cookie on me!

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