The Adoption Option

John and I are not deliberators.  We decide what we are going to do and then go ahead and do it.  This is how we ended up married 29 days after our first date.  As I’ve mentioned before, we decided last year to grow our family by adoption through the Department of Children and Families.  We took their training class, MAPP, last spring.  The next step would have been to start our home study but DCF staffers felt very strongly that we needed to wait until after Charlotte’s birth for our home study.  The articulated reason was that Charlotte is part of our family so she would have to be part of the home study.  The subtext was that once we had two biological children under 3, our enthusiasm to adopt an older child– or any child– would wane.  This attitude is not exclusive to DCF, but more about my mother’s attitude later.

Since Charlotte is now here, I’ve updated our family questionnaire and sent it to the MAPP facilitator and social worker, Ida.  I’ve called Ida.  I haven’t heard back from Ida.   We’re frustrated.  There are children in need of forever homes and we are ready to step up.  We have the resources and the desire, but we can’t move forward until someone from DCF works with us.

In the meantime, shortly after Charlotte’s birth, my wonderful friend Brad (aka “Uncle Fabulous”) sent me the online profile of a waiting child, Joe.  Joe is 9 and his profile stated that he had a younger brother who could potentially be placed with him at a later date.   Brad and his partner, Stephen (“Auntie Fabulous”) have recently finalized their adoption of David (“Baby Fabulous”) through DCF.  I filed away Joe’s info.

Because I hate to wait patiently and prefer to take action, I was surfing around on the waiting children website (www.mareinc.org) over New Year’s weekend.  Joe’s profile had disappeared.  I did find a profile for two little boys, Joseph and Christopher, who are hoping to be placed together.  I’m pretty sure that it’s the same Joe, now listed with his little brother.  Ida has advised us against siblings, saying that in her experience, placing siblings in a home where there are already biological siblings leads to a lifetime of war between the bio siblings and the adopted sibs.  But my heart still wants two and since I was just surfing around, I sent in a request for info on Joe and Chris.

This could all lead to nothing.  However, I talked to the boys’ worker, Pam, yesterday and found out more about them.  Pam didn’t seem to think that placing them into a family where there were already siblings should be an issue.  The issue is our (lack of ) homestudy– which we can’t make happen without cooperation from DCF.  But Pam did invite me to send in our family profile, which I did.  She is meeting with a potential, already home studied family for the kids, but she conceded that it might not come together with them.  I dont’ know if this is a standard caution or a genuine doubt on her part.  The important thing is for these boys to find the right forever home.  If it’s with us, fantastic.  If not, that’s ok too.  As long as they are placed and happy, that’s what matters.

(BTW, I’m typing this during an episode of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse that is keeping M distracted.  It’s  coming to a rapid close.  TYPE FASTER!)

Yesterday was Chris’ fourth birthday.  Happy birthday, little guy.

Today we’ll wait for a callback from Ida or more info from Pam.  For distraction, we’ll be going to Petco to look at all of the fish and get new tags for Jack and Holly.

It’s 9:00 am, both kids are dressed, both beds are made, Charlotte is sleeping in her sling.  I’m still in my jammies (that is, the shirt I wore yesterday and my long johns) and the breakfast dishes are in the sink.  I stand a chance of getting out of the house by 10.  Piece of cake . . .

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